STAFF CLUB EXPENSES

Ever (hic) wanted to know what the staff of the hospital used to get up to when the patients weren't looking? Well, now you can analyse their sordid outgoings with your own mental calculator - thanks to one of our latest discoveries...

Click to enlarge, print, fill-in, cash & spend, spend, spend!

Ding ding dung - I've had a few moments spare and have been perusing the contents of one of Ray's trusty foraging baskets, still full from his May expeditions. My hands are feeling the itchings again. What do they sprinkle over all the crap scattered about there? Probably itching powder I guess.

"Never leave an emplacement unitchified when retreating"
- Sun Tzu, The Art Of Vacating Medical Estabishments.

I have come across and scanned (just for you) a blank cheque belonging to the Per Pro Canadian Red Cross Memorial Hospital Staff Club. I have a total of five blank cheques and many stubs. The remarkable list of payees by the Staff Club is as follows:

30/8/74 - Gilbert Vintners (!)- £214.15

30/8/74 - Scottish and Newcastle Breweries (!!) - £54.35

30/8/74 - Latika Sports Equip. - £20.17

30/8/74 - Norwich Union Insurance Society - £3.20

9/9/74 - Peter Dominic Ltd - £48.92

9/9/74 - Carters Coaches - £16.40

31/10/74 - Scottish and Newcastle Breweries (!!) - £75.99

31/10/74 - Maidenhead district Table Tennis Association - £7.15

31/10/74 - Carters Coaches (to Richmond Ice Rink) - £8.04

31/10/74 - Gillian Roberts - £10.80 (paid for Asosa rink)

21/11/74 - Buckinghamshire LTA (Cliveden) - £46.20

24/12/74 - Peter Dominic - £39.25

30/12/74 - Scottish and Newcastle Breweries (!!!) - £70.58

17/1/75 - NVFIS (Norwich Union) - £11.90

22/1/75 - Shaw And Sons - Application for license - £45 (what kinda licence? Booze probably, judging by events thus far)

5/3/75 - cancelled

5/2/75 - Peter Dominic - £118.87

10/2/75 - Sports-Drome Ltd (cancellation fee Arosa rink) - £5.40

13/2/75 - Clark Rd The Justices (?? - Aha! A later entry reveals all -'Coach To The Justices' - The Justices is most likely some kind of drinking establishment) - £1.00

14/2/75 - John Denyen Disco (Valentines Dance) - £20

8/4/75 - Bucks LTA Cliveden - £67.50

8/1/76 - Norwich Union Fire Insurance - £17.30

9/1/76 - W.P.H. Social Club - £135.94 (must have been a heavy night's drinking)

15/3/76 - Coach to The Justices - £1.00

29/7/76 - B.A.H.A (hehehehehe!!) Lighting of Social Hall - £183.27

10/1/77 - WPH Social Club - Pantomime Drinks - £34.79

11/1/77 Norwich Union Fire Insurance - £17.30

2/2/77 - WPH Social Club Dance Drinks - £89.09

10/11/77 - Cash (Chris Burke) - £25

20/12/77 - Wells & Co Ltd - Payment of Invoice No. 03707, 03708, 05104, 05396 - £36.57

6/1/78 - Saccone & Speed - payment of invoice 78763, 81098 - £357.16 (narcotics perhaps?)

6/1/78 - Courage (central) Ltd - £497.18 (glug)

16/1/78 - Kossway Auto CRC Stauke Box Rental: 5/12/77-31/1/78 - £66.33 (ripoff? never)

8/2/78 - Courage Central Ltd - £199.27

16/2/78 - Wells & Co Ltd - £15.88

17/3/78 - Kossway Automatics - £27

18/3/78 - Sonics HiFi (purchase Sony tape player) - £145.95

12/4/78 - Courage Central Ltd - £171.36

14/4/78 - Marley Home Care, Clearguard Carpet Protection - £10.63 (vomit?)

18/4/78 - FW Woolworth (tables) - £44.54

18/4/78 - William Wood & Son Ltd (4 trellis panels) - £18.65

19/4/78 - Miss B Byrne - repay deposit on social hall less extension of license of £2.00 - £800

13/9/79 - Truman Ltd - £186.48

16/9/79 - Atrax Wholesale & Co Ltd - £102.24

So there you go. They were all pissheads with an occasional interest in sports (probably as an excuse to get pissed), so it's quite a surprise that the death toll of patients wasn't outrageously high as I expect there were a fair few inebriated/hungover people working there at any time.

Much much more to come from Ray's basket of goodies, but for now I shall bounce away and clean my hands before going to play with some dough for the marvellous pizzas I shall be creating this evening. Pass the chilli and garlic. Aaargh - so itchy. Its spreading, I'm getting strange tics (from ticks?). Shower I need.

Feliciatations and Kendalls.

Webmaster 'Itchy' Owen/b>
December 2002

Webmaster Damon adds: I wanted to get a more concrete idea of what these figures actually mean to us today, so by using the converters from Economic History Services (whose website was down last time I tried it, but it's allegedly still supposed to be in existence) on the alcohol amounts alone for each year at the conversion rates for that respective year (and adding the resulting subtotals together), I 've arrived at the ultimate answer to the ultimate question for you. It's an astonishing, though thoroughly genuine figure - made all the more impressive by the fact that other literature indicates that hardly anyone was actually in the staff club.

The bottom line is this: Between 1974 and 1979, the CRCMH staff spent grand total of at least £8412.06 in today's money on booze. That's an average of £1682.41 per year (assuming that there are no further account books for the same period that is, in which case all figures here could skyrocket). Bloody hell - I think I'm going to become a doctor. No wonder the place fell into disrepair without anybody noticing ... (hic) ... pass the scotch, matron...